From the recording Smart Fitness, Smart Foods

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11. (I’m Not Gonna Be) A COUCH POTATO (Ron Hiller/RONNO, Judy Millar, Liz Jones-Twomey © 2008 Song Support/SOCAN)

NOTE: This song/lyric may be used by young readers in a “readers’ theater” (i.e., role-playing/dramatic production).

Narrator: OK, kids … imagine you’re sitting on your couch, watching TV…. I’m going to tell you a STRANGE story about what can happen - what DID happen (I think)….
Once upon a time, there lived Little Pat, Little Pat Potato. Pat just sat and sat and sat.
“You’re turning into a COUCH potato,” Little Pat’s mom would say.
Get up off that couch! You can’t watch TV, eat chips, and sit around all day!
And Little Pat would say, “OK.”
But Pat was just too sleepy to get up.
It was just so comfortable on Pat’s cushy couch, that Pat fell into a deep, deep sleep….
When suddenly Little Pat heard [sound effect] weird interference on the TV, and looked up to see a kid from the future in a strange outfit, right there on the screen, talking right to Pat!

Future Kid: Hey, little Pat! Your mom just called you a Couch Potato! I’m on Couch Potato Patrol today – I’m back from the future to help kids like you conquer CPS!
Little Pat: CPS?!?
Couch Potato Syndrome! Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against potatoes – we eat lots of potatoes in the future (especially sweet potatoes) - but always BBR!
L.P.: BBR?!?
F.K.: Baked, boiled or roasted. Way more nutrients, and no grease that way. Grease is the enemy - nutrients are our friends! Now, let’s get moving .…That’s how you beat CPS!

So, stretch your left arm, your left arm
Now your right arm, your right arm
Gimmee both arms, both arms
Now your left leg, your left leg
Move your right leg, right leg
Wiggle both legs, both legs!

And everybody sing along with me:
(Unh, unh!)
(No, no!/Not me! etc.)
(Feels so good, doesn’t it. Oh, yeah., etc.)

F.K.: Ok, that’s a start. But you’re gonna have to move much, much more if you want to beat CPS! I hope you had a good breakfast! You’re gonna need it. You need quality protein, nutrients, whole grains - all that good stuff - to get you going, and keep you going. And drink lots of water - it’s really important for your body. So have a few sips right now. And let’s get on up!

Get off that couch!
Don’t take a break!
Up on your feet!
And do the SHAKE & BAKE!
First, shake your little potato body from top to bottom … that’s right!
Lookin’ good!
Now, Couch Potato, get ready to bake
Curl up in a tight little ball
You’ve got it!


F.K.: Good job! You’re getting the hang of it. If you eat right and keep your body moving, nobody can call YOU a Couch Potato … [scary sound effect] Uh,oh! That’s sounds like GREASY BLOB - THE ENEMY!
Greasy Blob: Did somebody say there were COUCH POTATOES here?!? I’m gonna get them - I’m gonna MASH THEM and SMASH THEM!!!!!!!!
Narrator: Little Pat screamed: “HELP … M-O-M!!!” There’s a BLOB, coming right out of the screen at me! It’s a nightmare! I don’t wanna get mashed!!! I don’t want to be a COUCH POTATO anymore…!

“You just had a bad dream, honey,” said Little Pat’s mom.

“It wasn’t all bad, mom,” said Little Pat. I met this guy from the future. Really! And I know how to feel better, and do better - from now on! ‘cause…


F.K.: You’re gonna be OK, kid. Your future’s looking GREAT!